I've had this song on repeat. One of the things I love about music is how the right song will hit you right in the gut right when you need it most. Today is one of those days where I feel like I've had to fight for sanity. And Sia has been there to remind me that I've got this.
One of the things they tell us in grad school is that working as a therapist means you need to see a therapist too. You deal with other people's hard stuff and it's bound to impact you. The noted philosopher RuPaul says, "if you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else."
My professor told me a story last week about African ants who risk burning themselves to protect the rest of the colony. And there is nobility in that. But sometimes you get to a point where you need to make hard decisions. As women we're taught to put others before ourselves. We allow ourselves to get burned. And that's okay for a little while. It's noble.
But you can't do it forever. Putting yourself first - sometimes - doesn't make you a bad person. If you don't recognize when you are approaching your limits, you risk losing yourself. You have to learn to recognize those limits. You have to learn to ask for help, or for a break.
These are things that are easier said than done. I've been struggling with life recently and this afternoon, after crying in the middle of the day at work, I realized I'd hit my limit. I needed to make a change. That change isn't an easy one. It hurts and it may hurt others. But it's vital. If I don't take care of myself, how in the hell am I going to take care of someone else?
