Messing up

When I first started taking Wellbutrin, I read all of the potential side effects. Some where amusing: you could see rainbows when looking at lights. Others immediately came to pass: dry mouth ... fun. I was very serious about not drinking on this medication. It can cause seizures. It can cause hallucinations. It can make you more depressed...

Two months later and ... yeah, I didn't follow through on the no drinking. I drank on my birthday. And on Christmas. And at my friend's birthday. And on New Year's. No seizures, thankfully. 

But I had a depressive episode the day after my birthday. And a bad one after New Year's. And when I look at what my latest episodes all have in common, I drank within the 24 hours before they came on. 

So I messed up. We all mess up sometimes, do things we know we shouldn't. It could have been worse. But now I know. My taste for alcohol is not stronger than my need for mental clarity. And so the drinking stops for the foreseeable future.