Feeling some kind of way

It seems like every time I'm feeling up, something happens to smack me back down. It's almost like the more I try to change, the less things actually do. 

I was actually pretty proud of myself because it had been more than a month since I had a serious, nose-running, ugly cry. And I still haven't. But I'm having one of those moments where I really want to cry. I'm not going to go into details. 

I'm feeling like I am incapable of change. There are things I very much would like to but I don't know how. I don't know if I can. When the voice that tells you that you can't is louder than the voice that tells you that you can, what are you supposed to do? How are you supposed to get that louder voice to shut up? How are you supposed to get the quieter voice to speak up? How can I expect anyone to possibly understand? Why would anyone want to try?