I might have told this story before. I don't remember. But it says a lot about who Jon was. I was visiting him during one of his emergency room stays. Another patient was loud. Beligerent with one of the psych nurses. Jon's room looked out on the nurse's station. I could feel him tense up even though we weren't touching. I asked him what was wrong. He was preparing to step in if the guy went too far with the nurse. But psych nurses are tough. She got the patient to calm down and all was okay. Or as okay as things can be in the psych unit. And I loved Jon a little more that night. I wish he'd been dealt a better hand in life. He made some bad mistakes but he was ultimately a good person. A person who tried to help others - strangers even - when he was suffering most. #asongforjon #mentalhealth #depression #suicideprevention #love #relationships #grief #grieving #loss #survivor #musicproject #playlist #spotify #sting #ghoststory #imusthavelovedyou

via Instagram

Two years ago today Jon messaged me for the first time. A friend made the connection and I decided I was open to meeting him. He was a big guy. Cute. I told her to give him my number. We connected right away, even just over text messages. At the time I was preparing for a powerlifting competition so I spent hours at the gym. The friend told me he lifted. Jon later asked me questions about what I did at the gym and I realized pretty quickly that he did not lift. It was a spectacularly bad lie. I'd joke about it later. "I don't know why she told you that!" he told me, embarrassed. In truth, Jon hated the gym. He would come with me only occasionally. Sometimes he'd have a soda with him. He'd leave to smoke a cigarette or buy candy at Five Below. Eat at McDonald's. Do you even lift, bro? Maybe if you paid him... It's weird. I think about Jon constantly but I almost forgot about today's significance. Jon would be disappointed. But then, I'm forever disappointed that he's no longer here. #asongforjon #mentalhealth #depression #suicideprevention #love #relationships #grief #grieving #loss #survivor #musicproject #playlist #spotify #callmemaybe #carlyraejepsen

via Instagram