Monday, December 21, 2015

Why does everything seem to go wrong

One of my goals for 2016 is to take better care of myself. A big part of that is work-life balance, which is a thing I am failing at. I've been working 60-70 hours a week for about four weeks now. I don't know how people do this for longer than that. I literally feel like the walking dead. 

It's really hard to be emotionally stable when you are physically rundown. My sleep schedule is beyond off. I'm lucky if I get five hours a night and even then I find myself tossing and turning and waking up several times. I'm not capable of clear decision making and the mundane problems of daily living can make me anxious. 

There is problem with my furnace. Most people would calmly and rationally deal with it. But I'm not most people. I hung up on the repair people when they were unhelpful (and the information provided by Eversource unclear) and then I started crying and saying I should just sell my place. 

I know this is an extreme reaction. It would almost be better not to have that awareness. Because knowing you're overreacting while you are overreacting only makes you feel worse. 

It's hard not to feel like everything is going wrong. I feel like every year I hope the next year will be better. Eventually that has to be true, right? Eventually things have to get better, right?

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