I should be sleeping. Instead I'm up watching sappy Hallmark Christmas movies. I cried. And I wrote to Jon. I do that sometimes. I wonder if his spirit is able to read what I write. The things I can no longer tell him in person. Jon was flawed. He was troubled. But he was also wonderful. He was my person. I miss him terribly. I wish things had turned out differently. I wish he was still here. I know that's not possible. That it's a waste of a wish. But I still wish it. He's been gone a quarter of a year. I've gotten a quarter of a year without being able to see his face. There was the way that he would turn his head to look at me. There were the hundred tiny kisses he'd give me at a time. The sound of his laugh. The way he would draw out the vowels in the word "baby" before he'd tease me. I'll never experience those things again. Not the way I did with him. So I talked to him tonight, hoping he can hear me, wondering if he cries for what we lost the way I do. I don't know what I believe exactly. I'm not certain of anything. But it doesn't hurt to try to talk to him. #asongforjon #mentalhealth #depression #suicideprevention #love #relationships #grief #grieving #loss #survivor #musicproject #playlist #spotify #franksinatra #intheweesmallhoursofthemorning

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