Jon and I communicated via text message for exactly a week before we meet in person. A mutual friend made the connection. Jon was looking to meet someone, she thought of me, and I thought, what the hell. He hugged me inside the doorway at the Hartford Wood-n-Tap when we met. We sat at the bar and drank beer and got to know one another better. He completely charmed me. I decided I didn't care that he smoked. "Is that a deal breaker?" he asked me. "Usually," I said. He kissed me on the cheek when we said goodnight and invited me to dinner. And that was the start of our relationship. We couldn't have been more different but that didn't seem to matter. In July, I sat with him in the emergency room before his last inpatient stay. He used to joke propose to me. "Will you merry me," he'd ask. And I'd say "With an A or an E?" It was an ongoing joke, but not really. He referred to me as his fiancée all the time. He looked at rings. But he never seriously proposed. Sitting in that room at Saint Francis, he asked the question again. And I knew it wasn't a joke that time. It was an A and not an E. "It's not the right time," I told him. "Let's get you better first." I was hopeful he would get better and that we would go on to live a happy life together. As you know, he didn't get better. I think about that conversation often. I haven't processed it fully. Maybe I never will. Maybe he didn't hold me for the longest time. But he held me for all the time he had. #asongforjon #mentalhealth #depression #suicideprevention #love #relationships #grief #grieving #loss #survivor #musicproject #playlist #spotify #billyjoel #thelongesttime #howimetyourmother

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