Today marks 2 months. It still doesn't feel real. I know my family and friends have been worrying about me. It's hard to focus on work and school. From the moment I realized we'd be doing suicide risk assessment in class last week, I've been keyed up. Monday night I cried myself to sleep and then woke up after uneasy dreams and felt hungover (I hadn't been drinking). At some point I'll have figured out a new normal. I'm not there yet. But I will be. Writing helps. And maybe someone is going through a similar experience and they will read what I've written and it will help them. I hope so. I'm not sure how to refer to Jon now. I still haven't changed my relationship status on Facebook. Wives get to be widows. They get a label. Girlfriends and fiancées don't get labels. It feels weird to call him my boyfriend when he is no longer present. I've gotten letters from his job that refer to me as his fiancée (a story for another day). But I still feel like that's what he is. Or was. This whole experience is, for lack of a better phrase, fucking weird. I hope one day it will make sense. Today is not that day. #asongforjon #mentalhealth #depression #suicideprevention #love #relationships #grief #grieving #loss #survivor #musicproject #playlist #spotify #twentyonepilots #stressedout #blurryface

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